Yeah, I disappear for a while and when I finally come back it's with bad news. At least, it's bad news for my family. Part of the reason I haven't been around is that I have an aunt cancer. I've been trying to help out my cousin, her daughter (who has enough stress as it is), and haven't had much time for blogging. The cancer was on her spine, attached to some nerves and somehow or other the doctors didn't catch it until recently; odd, considering how much weight she was losing. And when they weren't finding what was causing her pain and issues with her legs, one would have thought that they might have suspected cancer. I don't know how they missed it, honestly, considering the size of the tumor.

She had surgery not long back to remove the mass. They couldn't get all of it, but were waiting to see if it was benign or malignant before they decided on a further course of action. It was malignant and they found another tumor in her pelvis. They gave her 3 to 4 months to live, unless she had surgery to remove the tumor, which had spread down her leg enough (something to do with the blood vessels or muscle tissue, was my understanding) that they would also have to amputate her leg. They couldn't guarantee how much more time she would have after that, but it improved her chances, so she went with that option.

Hey all

Edited to add emoticons, because they are necessary for my amusement.

Hi guys. (｡･ω･)ﾉﾞ♪

I'm still alive. I'm feeling bloggy again today. Probably because I'm procrastinating a Psych essay I need to write but don't really fell like doing even though it's due tomorrow.

But I probably should work on it. I finished my English essay late last night and tried to turn it in on the server, but the folder for it was closed (ノД`)・゜・。 Apparently, my computer clock and the server-majig clock aren't the same times. My clock is slow or something, because I should have still had about 5 minutes to turn it in, but I didn't. Have the time, I mean. I must not have because I couldn't even though I tried. I spent all evening working on it, too! (|||´- ω-`)

I fell bloggy but have nothing all that important to say. In fact, I don't think I have anything at all to say, besides what I already did. Though that has a tendency to change as I write the posts. I want to write something funny but I can't think of anything. The funny thing seems to be spontaneous. Like it's hiding and just randomly jumps out and maybe tries to scare me, but of course it doesn't because it's funny.

I didn't sleep much last night if anyone could tell. I was up very late. I blame the J-dramas. I'm becoming a J-drama addict, and that is not a good thing. Well, I guess it could be. I'm learning things sometimes, because I see something in one of the serious ones, like a medical condition, and I'm all "oooh, what's that? Is it real?" and have to look it up and then get distracted for several minutes looking up stuff that I don't really need to be looking up but am anyway.

Like in Itoshi Kimi E. I like it so far. Other than that it made me actually cry a little in the first episode. But the second episode didn't do that. Fortunately. Beautiful Life - the last one I watched - didn't make me cry right away. But then again, I had no idea that Kyoko was actually sick at first. Though...with Itoshi Kimi E, it wasn't that someone was sick that made me cry. It was that someone close to the main characters had died and they were getting all sad so I got sad. ( TωT)

I need to watch something funny before I go to bed tonight. Instead of one of my sad doramas. But I was talking about learning things. Yeah. I ended up looking up Behct's, and then when I started watching 1 Litre of Tears - which I'm trying to convince myself to keep watching even though it's sad - I had to look up spinocerebellar degeneration. It's depressing. I mean, I didn't have to look it up, but my curiosity made me. I'm kind of weird like that. I like learning new things.

I mean, really like it. Like when I had an albino character in my 2009 NaNo novel. Even though I should have been writing, I spent hours and hours looking up stuff on albinism. Thanks to that, I now know words like occulocutaneous. That word is incredibly fun to say.

I didn't even know there were different kinds of albinism! But there are. And my albinism research led me to reading about heterochromia, which is also very fun to say. I already knew what heterochromia was, but there are different types of that, too! Go look it up! It's awesome! ヽ(‘ ∇‘ )ノ

And yes, I am starting to feel better. Writing is helpful for that. Usually. Probably because it takes my mind off problems and I can think about fun stuff and fun new words. Hey! I feel motivated again! Awesome. I love when that happens. In fact, I think I actually feel motivated enough to go write that essay now.

*awkward cough*

Well, I won't try to pretend that rant didn't happen in my last post. It did. And I am still upset about some of it, though not nearly to the degree I had been when I wrote it. With all the stress lately - and almost no time to try to unwind - my emotions kind of took over (none of what I wrote was exaggerated, but it was very emotionally draining.)

I ended up saying to hell with some of the schoolwork I had; I got done what I could, but I didn't stress about trying to get all of it done. I prioritized better this week and managed to slip in some free time, but it's probably going to be a while before I have any again. There's a lot I have to do since I'm turning 21 soon (driver's license, insurance stuff to take care of because it's military insurance, etc., and the insurance stuff has proved itself to be a royal pain in the ass) and I have an eye doctor's appointment (and knowing them, I'm going to end up being there all afternoon) tests to study for, four papers to write, have to find time to squeeze in the required volunteer work for my Psych class, and the rest of the homework I get assigned.

I'm a mess right now. It doesn't help that every time we go somewhere and have to wait, my mom starts getting really pissed (like having to wait at the vet's. They were busy. What did she expect? That they would get right to us and have us out in five minutes? I don't think so.) I hate going anywhere with her, because the moment she decides she's waited too long she starts getting all huffy and pissy and bitches about how long we've been waiting (even if we've only been waiting ten or fifteen minutes at the vet when there are two or three people ahead of us). And I have to listen to her sigh as loudly and irritatedly as she can every minute or so.

It just stresses me out more.

Anyway, I didn't mean to turn this into another bitch-fest of my own. Ranting was needed, though. I'll try to go back to my regular post subjects soon.

Emo-ish type rant ahead

Today wasn't too bad of a day in my classes. I got in late this morning because mom refused to leave early to compensate for the bad roads - I missed the first almost 30 minutes of lecture. Not good. I kept telling her we needed to leave at least at the same time as last week, preferably earlier, but no. We left 15 minutes later, even though I was barely on time last week. She's always on me about being on time or early and then what does she do? Makes me late. Because she doesn't trust me to be able to drive in snow, even though I freaking learned to drive in worse than this, so I have to rely on her for transportation. Not next week. I refuse to be late again.

I cheered up once I got through my classes. I was bored, but I didn't feel so angry. And then we're on the way home and I mentioned something about how some politicians want to severely limit birth control (and outlaw abortion, or make it so difficult to access that it may as well be) and what did she say? "Well maybe people should stop having sex before they're married!"

Wow, mom. Hypocritical much? She got pregnant with me before she was married, which means she must have been having sex. And I'm pretty sure she was sleeping with the guys she dated after she got divorced, too. She wasn't married to any of them.

And what about married couples who don't want kids? Should they not be allowed to have access to birth control? Marriage isn't just for having kids, for fuck's sake! And why should everyone have to live up to the same standards like that anyway? This just falls right back under the whole "not everyone is Christian/believes in the bible" stuff that I had to point out to Miss Intolerant last week.

I thought my mom was all for people making their own life choices as long as they weren't hurting anyone else. I thought she wasn't the type to judge other people for making different choices than her. Guess I was wrong. My opinion of her was already lowering because of her attitude about things lately, but it just got even lower. It might sound awful - I mean, she's my mom, and I feel like I kinda have to respect her and not hate her - but I don't have nearly the respect for her that I used to.

I don't really have any respect for anyone in my family any more. My grandmother is one of those bat-shit crazy anti-choice Christians, my aunt and cousins are bums who refuse to get jobs (it's not that they've looked and haven't gotten anything - it's that they don't look at all, they don't try, nothing.); the rest of my family are hypocritical, anti-choice, and just plain crazy, and now my mom has apparently been added to their ranks, with the exception of not being a radical Christian.

And then something goes wrong and she takes her frustration out on me (and people I've tried to vent to have told me "well she just needs someone to vent to, too! Don't be so hard on her!" It's not venting she does. It's treating me like I'm the problem, like it's all my fault, and I deserve to get chewed out for it.) She called for me to do something, but she was in the kitchen, at the front of the house and I was at the back of the house, with two closed doors between us, the furnace running, and a space heater going in my room. I didn't hear what she said. I'm surprised I heard her say anything at all. I moved to a position I could hear her better and asked what she'd said and she went off on me.

It's not my fault there was all that noise, all those barriers so I couldn't hear her. It's not my fault my hearing isn't the best hearing in the world (and hers isn't any better; I can be in the same room as her and have to repeat myself multiple times; and the moment I raise my voice so that maybe she can actually hear me, she gets pissed and snaps at me not to raise my voice at her.)

It's times like these that the only thing stopping me from just moving out - even if it meant I had to quit school to do it - is that I can't find a job that pays well enough to support myself. I can't find any job but the one I have, and I make crap.

I hate this. I finally start feeling like "maybe I'm not a failure, maybe I'm actually not that bad of a person, maybe people could actually like me" and then she has to go and treat me like that. Hell, I could tolerate the hypocrisy if she would just treat me like a decent human being, instead of some mistake. But that's all I am. I know that. She didn't want kids. But she had me anyway.

Woah!

I just realized I made my first post of February just now without realizing it! Go me! Or not...But yeah, January is over now. That kinda sucks. It went by so fast. I won't miss the cold weather once we get into Spring, but I don't like when the year goes by too fast.

It doesn't feel like February...

Gwah~

Well, it snowed last night and is still snowing - or was, the last time I checked. Not a ton of the stuff, but school was canceled. And it's really freaking cold. This is Michigan weather, not Kansas weather.

After my alarm went off for the first time this morning, I dozed back off for about 10 minutes. I had a horrible dream. I was almost crying when I woke up again. I shouldn't have finished watching that J-drama, I don't think. I'm pretty sure that's what caused it. I was so unnerved that I just got up even though I didn't have to be up for another half hour. I'm still a little bothered. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. I don't know. But I feel more tired than when I had dozed back off. Stupid dream.

I wrote some more last night. I wanna write some more right now, too, actually. I'm determined to get something finished by the end of March. In fact, I am going to finish something by the end of March. Either the one I was working on before, or the new one. Neither has a title yet, but I'll work on that later. One of them will get done.

8D

I went through a bunch of my old stories and amused myself for the evening. Jeez, my writing...I really am crazy 8D

But there was nothing I wanted to work on. Then just now I kind of felt like working on my newest idea. So I started to. Part of it, I think, is that I want to write in a notebook. Not just type. I don't know why, but sometimes I just itch to write by hand. So, I think I will for a little while. Especially since it's hard to type very well when my fingers feel stiff and cold. Which they are right now, because it's like 10 degrees Fahrenheit outside (and apparently feels like below 0). My body must be really in tune with the weather, because even if I'm sitting in front of a heater it takes a long time for my hands and feet to stop being cold when it's cold outside.

That's why I don't like the cold. It makes it difficult to function. As soon as the temperatures start dropping, my hands and feet get cold. Never fails. I spend the majority of the late fall/winter/early spring with cold hands and feet. I don't remember if it was worse when I was in Michigan, but I think it might have been.

Anyway, my fingers are frozen and it's getting late, so I'm going to go write.

Well that was smart of me

I hate this. I want to write something - something with substance - but I don't feel like working on any of the several stories I have stored on my computer. It annoys me. I want to write, damn it...

I'm kind of hoping that blogging will spark an idea, though I don't think that will happen. Who knows, though, considering that earlier I somehow went from having nothing to blog about to talking about how much I love composition notebooks. Which, when I think about it, is kinda a weird thing to write about. I mean, who the hell writes about how much they love a blank book? I guess some people do. I did.

Of course, I'm pretty sure I'm also not quite sane. And I've probably had far too much caffeine today, which is not a good thing to be mixing with a lack of sleep because then I get kind of hyperactive. Funny that doesn't happen when I'm not tired and drink caffeine.

I still need story ideas. Maybe just short stories. Short stories would be good. Because those are a little bit easier to finish. Seeing as how I can't seem to stay on one project for very long. Maybe I should write about bananas. But I don't know what the bananas could do, because aside from Tetsuya-san, bananas are only fruits, so they just lay there and either rot or get eaten. That wouldn't make for a very good story.


Re-reading what I just wrote...I'm quite certain I am crazy. Not a bad kind, mind you. But crazy nonetheless.

I think it's getting windy. I may well end up in front of the fireplace if this keeps up. Because I don't like being cold and it went from being nice out to being freezing.

I think I'm going to go try to write something. Instead of doing homework.

EDIT: I forgot a title. I think my brain ran away with my word processor. Which would make no sense unless you had been in my Creative Writing class in high school. In fact, I doubt that would make sense even then. Perhaps even if you had been one of the other two involved in that very, very stupid joke that for some odd reason is still funny.

EDIT 2: Because I apparently can't type today. My fingers are rebelling. Or maybe my brain. Maybe both. Something is rebelling!

On pretty much nothing. Again.

I'm feeling kind of bloggy today. Like, I really want to blog about things, even though there really isn't anything to blog about besides the weather. Which is cold. And will get snowy later.

And my coffee got kinda cold because I forgot about it. Damn it.

I got another story idea last night...or the night before...or something. But I haven't even finished the one I was working on. I hate that. I'm pretty good at switching gears between stories, but it's still annoying, because this one requires some world-building, which I don't particularly enjoy. But at the same time, I do.

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night if anyone is wondering.

And I still have some stories that need to be finished that I started a few years ago. Actually one of the ones I've been working on is from...5 years ago? Or so. Then I have the couple I had started back when I was in high school taking Creative Writing. I miss Creative Writing...I still need to finish my English Comp essay. I meant to do that and then didn't. I'll do that sometime today or this evening...

But I have probably half a dozen composition notebooks lying around that have half finished stories in them. I need to get more composition notebooks...not that I'm in any great need for them at the moment, but I really, really like them. And I want more. Composition notebooks are my favorite kind. I used to like the spiral notebooks - the thick 3 subject ones that you would get for school - but then I had grabbed a composition notebook one day because I wanted something that wasn't so big and wouldn't get caught on everything. And lose pages so easily. Now I have a few mostly empty spirals I'm going to use for class. Otherwise, they won't get used, because I don't like them anymore. Composition notebooks are much better.

They're just so wonderful, and they fit perfectly in my purse. Well, one or two at a time will, so long as my billfold and DS are the only other things in there. But it makes it so easy to carry one wherever I go. I love it. I just wish it was easier to find the ones that are college ruled. I hate wide ruled paper. You can't fit as much on a page, and I write small - even when I'm writing fast and my handwriting gets messy - so the pages doesn't look as full as they should. And then you end up going through more paper, because you need more pages to say what you're trying to say, than if you used college ruled.

I want to go to a stationery store now and get more notebooks. But I can't because I have to be here if work comes over and we're supposed to get some nasty weather. I might go this weekend. If I can find a store nearby that carries them. I'd just order them online, but I have to make sure I like the paper. I need to find some good pens, too...

And it's Saturday

I didn't spend my day at the library studying after all. I did go in this morning, though. It felt so nice to drive again. I love driving. So long as everyone else on the road isn't being stupid. I'm always worried I'm going to get rear-ended because everyone around here tailgates. But Saturday mornings aren't so bad in the middle of January.

My car sounded like she didn't want to start, but I think that's because I recently accidentally killed the battery (had to use my air compressor, which plugs into the cigarette lighter and my car hadn't been started since November, so the battery wasn't very happy) and haven't driven since I jumped it a week ago. She sounded fine when I left the library.

And I've gotten most of my CJ stuff done. But it was hard to concentrate.

It's a gorgeous day out so I actually have a window open. And I could hear one of my neighbors screaming (they were swearing their heads off about something; I caught the word "fu*k" several times.) Then I could hear some kids up the block screaming their heads off. I know they're kids and kids are loud - and it's a good thing they're not lazing around in front of the TV - but I'm pretty sure they didn't need to be screaming the rules of whatever game they were playing loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear. I listened to the neighbor for a good 10 or 15 minutes, and the kids for probably about an hour after that. It was ridiculous.

When I was growing up, we kids were expected to be considerate to our neighbors - especially when the weather was nice enough to open windows - and not be outside shrieking and carrying on at the top of our lungs. We could be loud, but within reason. Screaming loud enough for someone several houses down to hear us, and carrying on like that for an extended period of time, was not within reason.

And I know they must have been several houses down, because I see kids congregating on a cross street at the end of the block all the time, because of the lack of traffic over there.

Stupid kids...

But I'm enjoying getting the fresh air in here...there are cats outside fighting. I just heard them trying to kill each other. Great...

But the sun feels really nice. And so does the fresh air. I'd be happy if we had weather like this all the time. It's supposed to get cold again, though. Cold enough for snow.

I was disappointed by a book I checked out last week. I finally got around to reading Howl's Moving Castle (I love Ghibli and loved the movie, so I had to read the book, which I liked even more than the movie) and the library also had the sequel, The House of Many Ways. I was ecstatic.

But Sophie and Howl apparently had a child in the time between the end of the first book and the end of the sequel. And I was immediately annoyed by the presence of said child. It sounded like your typical toddler, and I assume Miss Jones meant for him to sound cute, but he annoyed the hell out of me from the moment he appeared. I couldn't even finish the book. I was upset, because I really like Sophie and Howl, but them having a child kinda ruins them for me.

That always seems to happen, though, when there's a sequel and the main characters end up having a kid. It happened in one of Dean Koontz's books, too. The fourth book in the Frankenstein series, the two main characters had a baby. He managed to keep them decent, but throwing the kid in threw a wrench in the characters, I think. Suddenly, they were all worried about their kid and talking diapers and kid stuff, instead of the way they had talked in the first three books. Suddenly, they weren't the sarcastic, New Orleans detectives, the reluctant heroes - they were still the heroes, and there was still sarcasm and humor but now they were parents. It changed the characters, and not in a good way. I finished the book, but I don't think I'm going to read any more of the series if he writes another book after that.

*sigh*

*long sigh*

I'm rather tired right now. I had to get up nearly 2 hours early yesterday and then wasn't able to get to sleep last night. That seems to happen more often when I get up early. It sucks.

And I have errands to run today. Which also sucks, because it means I have get dressed. Then I have more errands to run tomorrow (just going to the library to drop off some stuff that's due, but still...) Tomorrow might actually be fun. I plan to spend time up there just browsing leisurely, even though  I have homework to do. In fact, I think I might go up there to study!

That might actually be kinda fun...

Also, I finished watching the sad J-drama I mentioned. I need to get another box of tissues when I'm out today. I went through what was left in the box I had (which was still about three-quarters full). The last 3 episodes had me teary eyed and/or crying through most of them. Especially the last episode. That was when I went through the most tissues. I don't know that I'm ever going to do that again. Watch that particular J-drama in its entirety, I mean.

There were some really good parts in the last 3 episodes, but I don't want to be going through tons of tissue because they make cry. Stupid sad J-dramas...

I've also finished all of my English Comp assignments for the week. I just need to turn them in now. I have a ton of reading to do, and some actual work for my Psych and CJ classes...and the CJ is going to have to be priority, because that stuff is due by Saturday night. Er, tomorrow night. Crap. Yeah, I will be spending my day at the library studying tomorrow, I think.

But last night I unintentionally found an article I think I can use for one of my Psych assignments. Which is super awesome. Finding the article, I mean. The assignment isn't super awesome. It's not even cool.

Now, I need to go take care of those errands while I'm still semi-awake.

Wow...

Today I met probably the most intolerant woman I've ever come across. We were discussing a lot of topics in my Interpersonal Communications class this morning (I just got back from classes about half an hour ago) - among them were cultural and religious differences, and the different views people had and what influenced them. We got onto the topic of homosexuality and she practically flew off the handle about how wrong it was and how there are "strict, absolute laws" about it.

She was, of course, talking about the bible. She repeated several times that there are "strict, absolute laws" - I don't think she had any other argument against it - and I finally got sick of her and spoke up. I was respectful about it, since I have a hard time talking mean to people I don't know.

I told her not everyone believes the bible and she spouted off the "absolute laws" thing again. And I told her, "I was raised in Christian home. I know what those are. But not everyone believes in the bible. I don't. I turned my back on it."

I proceeded to give an example about someone I had known for several years - someone who is as sweet as they come, never says a cross word to anyone, just wonderful - telling me one day that she liked another girl. I had heard over and over from religious people that homosexuals are evil monsters. But this girl...she was telling me she was homosexual. That didn't add up to me, because this girl was the most wonderful person I had ever met. If she wasn't a monster - and she couldn't possibly be, sweet as she was - then maybe it was time to question what I had grown up with.

I didn't tell Miss Intolerant that she was wrong, or couldn't believe what she wanted. It was just my opinion. But oh, she got pissed. Part way through my example, I heard her say, "I'm leaving. I'm not going to listen to this."

And she stormed out of the room.

I'm amused. I pissed off someone on my first day of class just because I stated my opinion in an open discussion. And I'm proud of myself, because for the first time I didn't back down from a verbal, face to face confrontation. I stood my ground. I stood up for my beliefs. And I did it without getting upset, even though I didn't like what she was saying.

Hell, I didn't just stand up for my beliefs, but I did so in front of a bunch of other people! This wasn't a private discussion between me and the woman. I was speaking, more or less, in front of other people. Oh, I was nervous as hell and practically shaking by the time I was done, but I did it.

And you know what? Some of my classmates thought what I was said was cool. They respected the way I stated my opinions.

I feel beyond awesome right now.

I just got this week's assignments for my Comp and CJ classes. And oh my freaking penguins I'm going to be busy. I have another chapter to read for CJ, plus discussion posts (2 of them) and an essay; there are several things I have to read for Comp and respond to, as well. And write the final draft for my essay.

I think I'll get on that reading as soon as I finish my lunch. Providing no more work has come over, of course.

I got some more work done on my NaNo novel last night, too. Not as much as I had intended, but trying to rewrite the entire thing is time consuming. I know what I want to happen - it's just a matter of changing what needs to be changed without losing a lot of my word count. Which I have, but I think I can salvage some of it. There was a huge chunk at the beginning I ended up having to take out because of one minor change in setting, and there's more I probably won't be able to use, but I'm hoping if I tweak a few things I can save some scenes.

And I just came up with an awesome idea. I was tempted to take out something else at the beginning (which would have screwed everything up - again) but I just figured out how I could keep it and make it work, without seeming ridiculous as hell or screwing up the rest of the story to fit the new idea in. And it opens up the end for a sequel that I wasn't even planning on.

I definitely want to finish my reading up today (uh, some of it, anyway) so I have time to write some more tonight. I guess...finish up reading for psych and start on CJ, since those are going to be the most boring. I'll get those out of the way first, because as much work as I have to do for Comp, it's going to be easier, because it's writing. And reflecting. But I like Comp. It isn't so boring.

If I didn't dislike kids (and teenagers) so much, I'd become a high school teacher and teach Creative Writing or something. But I don't like kids and with the way schools were when I was in high school, I'd be afraid to be a teacher anyway. Teachers could hardly do anything as far as discipline three or four years ago and I can only imagine it's getting worse (with all the parents who think their child can do no wrong and it must be the teacher's fault and the teacher is just picking on little Mydysnleaigh for being so special and wonderful). So, no. No teaching for me. Unless I go to another country and teach English as a second language. That would be awesome.

In fact, I'm pretty tempted to get my bachelor's degree so I can do just that. And go over to Japan, because students there can't really get away with disrespectful to teachers and parents aren't as likely to go after the teachers if their kid gets in trouble for something.

Right...reading...

Yay!

I was able to get most of my reading done earlier (just 10 pages to go!) Yay! ヽ(‘ ∇‘ )ノ

It was a little easier to focus once I got to the part about bananas. I think because the bananas amused me so much. I don't know why. (Yes, they really talked about bananas in my psych book).

I'll probably work on my essay a bit more...but my main project tonight is going to be my NaNo novel. Assuming I can concentrate on it.

I want fruit now.

So...

Work is kind of slow today. It was a bit slow yesterday, too, actually...

And I discovered - again - why I shouldn't watch sad movies. I watched a Japanese movie the other night that sounded like it would be really good. It was. It was an awesome movie. And I actually understood what was going on (if you've ever seen a Japanese movie, you'll know why I'm surprised. Or maybe I just picked bad movies before. I don't know.)

But the end was really, really sad. As soon as I realized what was happening - which was something completely different than what I'd been thinking was going to happen - I got teary-eyed, and before it even got to the sad end I was crying. Stupid sad movies. I wouldn't have watched it if I had known it was going to be sad. I hate crying.

It sucked, because I really liked the movie up to that point.

The same thing happened with a J-drama I started watching recently. I'm trying to convince myself to watch the rest of it, because I really, really like it. But I know the ending is going to be sad as hell. And that makes me not want to finish it, even though I do want to finish it, because the characters are really cool. Ah, decisions, decisions. I suppose I'll end up finishing it later.

I need to convince myself to work on my NaNo novel some more, too. I'll probably do that tonight, once I finish up that essay I have to do for my English Comp class. I'd work on that right now, but it's on my other computer. And speaking of my other computer, I still haven't finished backing it up. >_< Shame on me. Ahhh~ and I still have reading to finish up for class on Thursday. <---- *doesn't want to read textbooks* It's so boring. I've tried to read a couple pages every night, but I just can't focus. I guess because it's not that interesting. And Psychology, bleh! Right now, English Comp is the only class I'm able to focus on...

Man, and it's only Tuesday. This sucks. But at the same time...it's already Tuesday! And two of my classes are on Thursday. *headdesk* No NaNo novel for me tonight, unless I can get at least half of that reading done. The essay can probably wait, since that isn't due for another week. Hm, maybe I'll grab my textbooks and start on that, since I still don't have anymore work to do at the moment. It would shave some time off my reading tonight...

Yes, yes, I think I'll do that. Maybe the reading will go better since it will feel like I'm procrastinating doing work even though there's no work to be done.

Ugh....

I am getting sick again. I am not nearly as sick as I was last time, but I am most definitely sick. The entire family has been sick since last week. Is this ever going to stop? I'm starting to think not.

And this would have to get worse the morning I have class. Or classes, rather. If it were one class I would tough it out and go in, but I have two, one right after the other and I would not get home until after noon. And then I have to work, until 8 in the evening. I cannot do long days like that when I'm sick.

I can't believe I've gotten sick twice in less than a month. I haven't been sick in forever. Okay, not that long. I had one hell of a year my...I think it was sophomore year of high school. I was sick for midterms and finals but had to go in anyway; that wasn't even that bad, though. Nasty cold that stole my voice for several days, but I could function. I haven't been sick since. Especially not sick enough that I can scarcely function.

I don't like this, at all. I want to crawl back into bed and go to sleep. But since I'm not going to class I have to start work at my usual time. Which is in about half an hour. Ugh...

This royally sucks - it really does. And why is that they canceled schools for cold weather a couple of weeks ago (because they're sissies here) and yet today, when the roads are slick and it's just as cold, they decide "Oh, hey, school is open today! Hooray!"?

No, not freaking hooray! You guys are a bunch of freaking sissies about winter weather around here and before, you were closing school at the slightest chance of a little bit of snow/ice/freezing cold, and now - when I could really use a school closing - you decide that even though it is freezing cold, there is snow on the ground, and the roads are a freaking ice rink (because you also don't know how to properly salt and plow the roads), there's going to be class.

Seriously, back in Michigan - at least in my school district - there had to be more than a foot of snow on the ground and below-zero temperatures before they would even consider closing schools. And the snow would have had to have just been dumped on us, because at the first signs of snow they had the plows on the roads. Granted, the private school kids had a lot of snow days, and so did a couple of the other districts, but they didn't get snow days for 10 or 15 degree weather and a dusting of snow.

...Ugh, okay. I think I might say to hell with it for work for a couple hours and take a nap. I really don't feel good...

I am kicking myself right now

In the middle of the night - or probably really early morning, considering my sleeping schedule - on Monday, when I was trying to get to sleep because I had to be up early, I had thought of several things I could write about on this blog. And I thought to myself, "Gee, maybe I should get my notebook and write these down. I'll probably forget them. No, I'll remember them. Besides, I'm warm and my notebook is over on my desk instead of my nightstand. And I'm just starting to feel tired."

Well, I'm kicking myself for forgetting to put my notebook back on the nightstand (because the above situation happens a lot, I have been keeping a notebook within easy reach); I forgot all but one of my ideas. Which is really more than I usually remember come morning - and I should have been expected to forget them all this time around, considering how sick I was Monday - but it's still frustrating, because I remember thinking what great posts they would make.

I'll probably think of them later. I hope I do.

Update

I was in pretty bad shape yesterday - could hardly keep even water down for a few hours - and with the roads the way they were, getting anything from the store wasn't exactly possible. Which sucked, because for once, I wanted orange juice, and we didn't have any.

I slept most of the day, then had half a piece of toast shortly before I actually went to bed; I wouldn't have eaten at all had it not been for the massive headache I had (I get really bad headaches if I don't eat regularly). I still don't feel 100%, but I'm doing a lot better than yesterday. I haven't been this sick in a long, long time. In fact, I think the last time I was this sick was when I was a baby. I've definitely been sick before, but yesterday was pretty miserable.

I'm hoping I'll feel better this evening, because I have school crap to take care of tonight and I can't exactly miss it. Work, so far, has been slow today, though, so I plan to just take it easy. I felt a lot better yesterday evening after sleeping most of the day, so I'm hoping my plan will work.

Sick

Well, I am a very sick Kita this morning. In fact, I probably shouldn't be at the computer, but I am.

Seeing as how I still have to work and all.

I woke up with what I thought was heartburn. But no. It was just  my stomach wanting to rebel and the rest of my body wasn't letting it. I feel a little bit better nausea wise, but crappier overall. However, I will take the overall crappier feeling over the nausea any day.

It would seem that my aunt and cousin were the ones to get me sick, because I ran across the street to their place Saturday and was over there for a little while. When my mom talked to my grandmother last night, she heard that my aunt and cousin were sick - some sort of stomach thing, which it would seem I have - and dear old grandma had taken some Sprite and stuff over to them. Of course, she didn't bother bringing anything over here for my mom, who has been sick for the past week herself with a bad cold. Cuz ya know, coming across the street is so difficult. -_-

We did indeed get snow last night. So I don't want to ask my mom to go to the store for anything for me (she's fortunately feeling better, I think because she got extra sleep over the weekend.) I don't know why this couldn't have hit YESTERDAY when I didn't have to work. Well, actually I did have to work. But the point is, it could have happened over the weekend, before it snowed, when it would be safe to go out.

And I'm going to stop pushing my luck with being in front of the computer, seeing as how I got sick without warning shortly after the first time my stomach managed to rebel.

And...

And before I get back to work, I have decided something that I'm going to share.

I really like my blog layout.

That is all.

End of the weekend

Well, my weekend is over. That kinda sucks, honestly. I have a little bit of work I should actually be finishing up right now, but I'm procrastinating again. I won't be able to get away with that when I start school next week. Well, I guess I still could, but it wouldn't be the best idea.

I'm torn between being excited about starting class and nervous. I mean...I'm excited because I think I've finally settled on a degree I want to pursue and that's a good feeling, and I'm actually kind of looking forward to my English Comp class in a weird way (funny, because as much as I love reading and writing, I hated my English classes in high school. On the other hand, I loved my Creative Writing class.) I'm nervous, too, though, because it's something new, it's change, and I don't like that. And I'm weary about the people I'm going to have to deal with.

I try not to judge people before I know them - I hate it when people do that to me - but considering the way most of the people around here are (conservative, Christian, close-minded, etc.) I can't see this being easy. I had a hard enough time dealing with the people where I used to live - where they generally weren't as conservative, close-minded, or religious - so I have a hard time with people around here. Going to church for a while like I did made that pretty clear.

Sometimes I worry that maybe I'm over-reacting and being too sensitive about the way people are treating me, but every time I've thought that someone has acted or spoken to me a certain way and someone close to me has been present, they've confirmed that no, I was not being too sensitive. Which means that chances are pretty good that all those times I thought people were acting all superior and condescending, like they were just humoring the cute little girl who thinks she's a rebel but just doesn't know any better, they probably were. And I hate that. But I get that so much around here.

It happened quite a bit when I was in tech school. I can't count the number of times it seemed like the people I was talking to were just barely resisting the urge to pat me on the head and tell me how cute it was that I had such and such an opinion or something about a situation I knew nothing about. (Case in point being the people who couldn't possibly believe that I a) don't want children and won't have any and b) want to travel overseas, get a band off the ground, write a book, etc., because of course I'm a woman, so how could I possibly not want teh babbys and not want to stay home and be the perfectest house wife in teh whole wide world?)

I can't wait to move out of this awful state. Everything seems so backwards. My mom certainly agrees with me on that - she said she had culture shock when she first moved out of state and she couldn't believe how far behind everyone here was. It hasn't changed any. Where I lived before, I could find unnatural hair dye in just about every store that carried hair color; here, I've found it in two stores, and one of those stores doesn't always carry it. The manga and anime sections of book stores are small - if there's one at all. There is only one semi-decent Asian grocery in the city and no import store; there was a big import store and multiple Asian groceries in area I used to live. I miss that import store. They had so much awesome stuff, and the staff was nice...Stuff that was popular a handful of years ago where I used to live is just becoming noticed here. With the internet, the gap is definitely less than when I was a kid (we had visited when I was about 10, and I noticed the gap then, too).

And this post has gotten far longer and more off topic than I was expecting. This was just supposed to be me lamenting on how my weekend is over. And I just realized that my laptop has not been plugged in the entire time I was working on this post. Which would explain why the screen seemed dimmer. And I'm really lucky the battery didn't die on me, because it's probably been unplugged all weekend, and the computer was on (in sleep mode, but on). And I have several programs open, had been working for about an hour before I started the post, and have other procrastination-worthy things running.

And speaking of work, I really should go finish it. I do need to get some sleep tonight.

And speaking of random musings...

It still hasn't really sunk in that I'm going to be 21 soon. It's probably a weird thing to think about. But I can't help it. I don't really feel like an adult.

And whoa...when did the post editor change? This is different. I don't know if I like it...

I just realized how pink my blog is. I don't think I like it being this pink. I should go change that...like, right now. Because this is just a little too much pink, damn it!

Launch!

And this is the launch of my new blog. Which is something that I'm doing purely for my own amusement, despite having other, probably more important things to be doing.

As I said on my About page, nothing I say here is liable to be important to anyone else. This is just a space for me to post random musings unrelated to my other blog. And as for the blog's title...there is a reason to it. It just likely as not won't make much sense to anyone else. Some of my thoughts have a tendency not to make sense outside of my head. I'll try to explain it one day.